Someday a real rain will come
One of the most humiliating moments of my life involves Martin Scorsese. Even now, just typing his name fills me with a lingering sense of shame, the reason for which will become clear shortly. Back in...
View ArticleWhy you should read obituaries
In January of 1947, Edward Lowe’s neighbor in Cassopolis, Michigan came by and asked him for some sawdust. Lowe had been “working in his father’s sawdust business” (a phrase you probably don’t hear...
View ArticleJust before serving
Back in my semi-hippie college days (I was a working member of the campus food co-op, but secretly mocked other member workers), I went with some friends to Binghamton’s famous natural foods restaurant...
View ArticleA set of lies agreed upon
My French grandmother said everything with an air of authority I’ve never quite encountered in Americans so that when she told me at a young age that Napoleon Bonaparte was a very short man, I believed...
View ArticleA rose by any other
Mike Birbiglia famously (that is, if you know who he is or saw his movie Sleepwalk With Me) said that “our whole lives, no matter how low our self-esteem gets, there’s some part of us that thinks, I...
View ArticleA flash of light
I was driving home earlier today, just a half mile from my house, when suddenly I had the sensation that I was…seeing things. More specifically: diamond shapes of light that flickered in and out of my...
View ArticleIn the brisk and shallow restlessness
February is the cruelest month. There are only 28 (or 29) days, sure, but somehow this only makes February feel longer. You’re thinking, Yippee, I just have to make it to March, which has spring in it!...
View ArticleWhen it is a matter of two socks
My younger daughter hates socks. Maybe hate isn’t a strong enough word here. She despises them. The other morning she had to wear a pair of socks that made her so angry she burst into tears. She then...
View ArticlePot
1. My favorite pot is one that was given to me years ago by my grandmother for no reason at all. “It was Sonia’s pot,” she said, referring to her older sister, who had been dead for some time. “It’s a...
View ArticleThe limit of the marvelous
The other day a friend forwarded me an article from New Scientist magazine entitled “The Body: Can You Eat Yourself to Death?” with the subject line “In case you’re interested.” Which is a total joke...
View ArticleWe can be heroes just for one day
Due to my fascination with the American presidents I am somewhat interested in Squeaky Fromme (despite my general disinterest in Charles Manson) who attempted to assassinate Gerald Ford in 1975. But...
View Article96 Tears
What is it about this song? Do you need me to tell you? First of all, this: And this: “Many critics and fans of ? and the Mysterians regard ‘96 Tears’ as a record of seminal importance—a garage-rock...
View ArticleI haven’t said enough
In Miranda July’s fantastic movie The Future a man who has suddenly decided to really notice things, says, “I’m going to pay special attention if somebody gives me something or says something to me,...
View ArticleNinety percent
Like the majority of Americans, I was outraged and disgusted yesterday by the Senate vote that killed the bill to expand background checks for gun buyers, because, like the majority of Americans, I...
View ArticleOne day I find that I am a vegetarian
This is how it happens. You grow up eating meat because, well, your family just does, and then in high school you become a vegetarian because it is yet one more way you can identify yourself as someone...
View ArticleDon’t panic
In 1998, there was an X-Files episode in which Agent Mulder and a character played by Michael McKean somehow switched bodies (stay with me here) and the Michael McKean character decided to pretend to...
View ArticleThe Wallet
As we collect ourselves here at Collected Stories (look at me referring to myself in the first person plural like I’m some fancy zine editor! Or the queen!) I thought I’d leave a tiny story for you...
View ArticlePocketbook number (or The Wallet, part 2)
In 1938, the E. H. Ferree Company, manufacturer of wallets in (of all places) upstate New York, decided to promote its new product by showing how nicely a Social Security card would fit inside. Maybe...
View ArticleIf you really want to hear about it
We were driving home from a New Year’s Eve party, my then-husband and our two kids, and it was not too long after midnight (that’s how long kid-friendly New Year’s Eve parties last) and it had started...
View ArticleI know when to go out
“Relief is the best human emotion,” said my friend Susan for the first time about 25 years ago and many times since and I, like you, at first balked at this suggestion and then soon decided that there...
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